Pregnancy in Late 30s – Trying at 37
We started trying for a baby at the age of 37. I told my other half it could take a long time due to my age and we could be trying for years. To our surprise I got pregnant the first month!
Everything seemed to be going well. We had our 7 week scan and there was the little blob with the heartbeat. At the 12 weeks scan the lady didn’t really say much, but we could see the baby moving, etc., and she didn’t say anything was wrong.
But the NIPT test came back with no result and my doctor said that the baby had measured small at the 12 week scan – nothing we had been told before that point. We opted for a CVS and, to our utter shock, at 15 weeks we were told our baby had Triploidy Syndrome (a full extra set of chromosomes) and wasn’t compatible with life.
We opted for a medical termination, but I still count this a loss/miscarriage. No matter what this baby was not going to survive.
I told my other half it could take a long time due to my age and we could be trying for years. To our surprise I got pregnant the first month!
IVF and Three Miscarriages – Missed Miscarriage, Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy and Blighted Ovum
We got pregnant again about a month later but I was still so numb from losing our first that I didn’t ever get excited. At 7 weeks it was measuring small and then by 8 weeks a missed miscarriage was confirmed with no heartbeat.
We then kept trying but didn’t fall pregnant again, so after a year we started IVF.
It took 5 rounds of IVF before I got another positive pregnancy test, but alas that turned into a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, I lost my left fallopian tube with that one. 6 months later we had a Blighted Ovum pregnancy, where their is a pregnancy sac, but no baby.
A Healthy Baby at Age 42
Finally, on my 9th embryo transfer, I got pregnant and stayed pregnant!
I had my little boy Max at the age of 42. He is the absolute light of my life, but I still mourn his other siblings and I had extremely bad anxiety throughout my pregnancy. It was hard for me to believe it was finally happening for me!
Trying for a Sibling
We tried a few more times for a sibling for Max but I had yet another missed miscarriage at 7/8 weeks last year and we decided enough was enough.
We are lucky to have my beautiful boy, I am glad I kept trying to have him, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about his siblings that are not here.
For me, unfortunately, bad luck and age seemed to be the main reasons. I had great medical help.
You are stronger than you think. There are times when you can't imagine ever smiling again, but you will and you will find happiness again.
Reflections and Encouragement
I feel like I was so naive the first time I got pregnant, I just expected it to lead to baby, I knew about miscarriage but didn’t think it would happen me! Instead I have had 6 pregnancies and only one live baby.
The first time I discovered I was pregnant I took one digital pregnancy test and that was it. I had no idea what my HCG level was when I went to the doctor, let alone worry about if it doubled or not. I actually miss being that blind to it all, I wish I didn’t know the multiple ways things could go wrong.
What helped – Talking about it, finding others who got it and also seeing a psychologist regularly really helped. I needed a professional to tell me I wasn’t going mad, that it was normal to feel all the emotions, all at once.
If I could go back – I would tell myself to be kind to myself, it is not ever your fault. It is so unfair and so awful to go through but I did not bring it on myself. I think I was angry at myself for such a long time
What I wish I’d done differently – Talk about it more, I don’t know why we all keep it a secret. I can’t tell you how many people approached me saying they had been through the same when I finally posted about my struggles on social media. All these friends and family I could have found comfort in, revealed themselves.
You are stronger than you think. There are times when you can’t imagine ever smiling again, but you will and you will find happiness again.
I actually miss being that blind to it all, I wish I didn't know the multiple ways things could go wrong.
Q & A with Allison, Founder Miscarriage Hope Desk
How many weeks were you when you miscarried?
1st 15 weeks, 2nd 8 weeks, 3rd 7 weeks, 4th 7 weeks and 5th 8 weeks
Looking back, what, if anything, do you wish you would have done differently?
Started trying earlier, we had only been together a couple of years but my age really played a part in it all.