I wish I had a magic solution to make the pain of a miscarriage disappear. Of course, it’s not that simple. Going through a miscarriage is undoubtedly one of the most challenging and painful experiences a woman can have.

First, I want you to know that you’re not alone in your experience. I’ve been there and I see you.

I’ve put together a list of things I found vital in healing after a miscarriage. Every person is different so these may not all work for you and that’s okay. But find a way to take care of yourself, to show yourself a little extra love, even if it’s small.

My hope is that you’ll find one or two things on this list that resonate with you and can help, even in a small way, with your healing process.

Please don’t hesitate to seek professional help as well if needed. I’m sharing my perspective as a woman who has been through this but help from a therapist or mental health professional can be invaluable as well.

Self Care During Miscarriage

This list is meant for someone who is currently going through or has recently suffered a miscarriage. Self care during a longer infertility journey is essential as well and you can find my ideas on coping with recurrent pregnancy loss and infertility here. I wanted to differentiate though because I do think the two experiences are different enough to necessitate different types of self care.

1. Let Your Emotions Out

I know this is challenging for some, but my number one recommendation for coping with miscarriage is to let your emotions out. Let yourself cry as much as you need to. Don’t try to hold those emotions in because they will not simply go away.

Give yourself grace and patience and don’t try to rush the grieving process. You have suffered a real loss and it’s just plain hard. This can be all the harder when others around you may not know about your loss, depending on how far along you were in your pregnancy and who you’ve told.

You may find it easier to tell people what you’re going through but don’t feel obligated if you’re not ready. You can say you’re going through a hard time and leave it at that if it’s easier for you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Regardless of what you feel comfortable sharing with the people around you, I’m giving you permission to clear your calendar, to cancel plans, to say “no” to unnecessary commitments, to take the time and space you need to grieve.

2. Talk to Someone

Find someone to talk to about your miscarriage and the emotions you’re dealing with. This could be a spouse or partner, someone from your church or religious group, a close friend or relative, or a therapist. Find someone who is a good listener, who won’t try to “fix” what can’t be fixed. Find someone who will simply listen and acknowledge the pain you’re experiencing.

If you want to talk to a therapist and don’t know where to begin in finding one, you can find someone online through organizations like Better Help. This may seem less overwhelming than finding someone to see in-person and can also be more affordable.

3. Ask for Help

You’re likely going to have a lot less energy for the tasks of daily life for a while. Where can you ask for help?

Can you ask a friend to bring over some food or ask your partner to take over making dinner for a while?

Can you ask someone to take care of your pets or help care for any other children you may have for a while?

Trust me, your friends and loved ones want to help and would love a concrete way to show you that they’re there for you.

If you don’t feel like you have anyone you can reach out to for help, don’t hesitate to pay for a little help. Order some easy meals on Instacart or pay a babysitter to come just so you can go for a walk or lay in bed and cry.

4. Avoid Over-Distraction

I know that it may be tempting to throw yourself into work, into life, into distractions. To keep busy.

Staying busy means you don’t have as much time to dwell on the pain you’re going through. I get it.

But I urge you to avoid over-distraction, to avoid letting yourself become so busy that you don’t really deal with the emotions you’re experiencing. Those emotions won’t simply go away, you have to work through them. It will either be now or later.

Of course some distraction can be helpful. Just make sure you also leave yourself time and space to really heal. Coping with miscarriage takes time.

5. Ask for a Hug

This may sound odd but don’t be afraid to ask for a hug! Whether it’s from your spouse or partner or a close friend. A hug can do wonders for your mood and emotional state. Sometimes people don’t know whether to give you space or offer comfort. They’re doing their best, they just won’t always know what you need.

So be brave and ask for that hug, ask for what you need.

If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable asking, I encourage you to join our Miscarriage Hope Desk Facebook group and I’ll give you a virtual hug! This is an incredibly supportive community of women who have experienced just what you’re experiencing.

6. Talk to Your Doctor

Part of self care is of course taking care of yourself physically. Make sure to talk to your doctor to see if things you usually use as self-care are safe and recommended following a miscarriage. Bubble baths, massage, a hard run – all of these are activities that can bring physical comfort and release but you’ll need to talk to your doctor to see when it’s safe to resume these activities.

I also encourage you to ask your doctor questions about the physical aspects of dealing with miscarriage. Ask your doctor about what to expect physically so it’s less of a surprise and you know what’s considered “normal”. I know that doctors can be intimidating and this isn’t always easy. I’ve put together some tips on advocating for yourself with your doctor after miscarriage.

7. Take a Social Media Break

Scrolling through social media can be a great distraction but now may not be the time to indulge in this habit. You need to protect your thoughts and protect your heart.

This may mean taking a break from social media to avoid pictures of other people’s babies, pregnancy announcements and other posts that may be painful during this time. Alternatively, go through and unfollow anyone you need to unfollow. You can always reconnect with them later but right now is about taking care of yourself.

There is no one answer for how to cope with a miscarriage. 

What I want you to take away from this today is that you are not alone in this and that it’s completely valid and necessary to take as much time as you need to heal.

Only you know what you need to heal right now. Listen to yourself, reach out to your closest loved ones and give yourself permission to let go all of the other “shoulds” for a while.

If you need more resources on coping with miscarriage, I have a Dealing with Miscarriage section of our library with topics you may find helpful.