by A. Bates
The First Miscarriage- 6 weeks
The first time I miscarried I didn’t know what was going on. I was 6 weeks, had some spotting & cramping. The doc told me to monitor things and call if things changed. Within an hour of the call, I felt a gush, kind of like peeing my pants. I rushed to the bathroom & was bleeding, so the doc told me to come in immediately. There was nothing on the ultrasound. The next couple of weeks we monitored hormone levels until they were 0.
There was nothing on the ultrasound. The next couple of weeks we monitored hormone levels until they were 0.
The Second Miscarriage- 8 weeks
The second miscarriage was a bit more traumatic. We saw our baby at 8 weeks. At 11 weeks I had cramping & spotting again. I called my doc who told me to come in that afternoon. The ultrasound showed our baby had stopped growing about 5 days after the first ultrasound. There was no heartbeat this time.
I was shocked and confused. I opted for a D&C but would have to wait the weekend to have it done. My body didn’t want to wait and started the process about 2 days later. Bleeding & cramping.
The day of my appointment (4 days after the ultrasound) I started to have intense cramping/abdominal pain similar to what I remember of my appendix and very much worse. I would realize later these were contractions. After the D&C I was informed there was no viable tissue for testing.
During the second miscarriage, I bled a lot. By the time I could get to the hospital, I had been bleeding for at least two hours and soaking overnight pads. I was scared, but when they ran initial tests the nursing staff assured me my numbers were fine. Unfortunately, I passed the baby at home.
The Third Miscarriage- 9 weeks
The third miscarriage was very similar to the second even down to the ultrasound tech. I had to wait the weekend again but did not experience any major bleeding or abdominal pain. I went in for the D&C.
I felt numb during the third miscarriage until after the D&C. In the weeks following my emotions were all over the place. Personally, I think I was going through a massive struggle with postpartum depression from all 3 miscarriages at once.
There was viable tissue this time to send to the lab, but those efforts were to no avail. All tests came back inconclusive.
I felt numb during the third miscarriage until after the D&C.
In the weeks following my emotions were all over the place. Personally, I think I was going through a massive struggle with postpartum depression from all 3 miscarriages at once.
What Helped After Multiple Miscarriages
Speaking to a therapist helped. Crying helped some. Speaking to others that were close to me and folks who had also experienced similar traumas helped.
My husband and my first daughter helped. Ultimately, I decided to share what had been going on with her after the second miscarriage. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide this from her. I think it showed her it’s ok to grieve any way necessary and to be open about things with each other. My hope by sharing with her things that happen, she will continue to remain open with me as her mother.
I think it showed her it’s ok to grieve any way necessary and to be open about things with each other.
My hope by sharing with her things that happen, she will continue to remain open with me as her mother.
What I Would Have Changed
I’m not sure I’d change anything. This experience is unlike anything anyone can ever imagine and it’s different for everyone. I’d find ways to remind myself that there was nothing I could do differently to make the pregnancy a success. I did the best I could.
I wish I would have spoken out about my experiences more (I still can and try to). It is still really hard emotionally. At times I also felt like the more public I was about it, the more I was hurting my husband. He took all of this just as hard.
I was glad I pushed. It felt like a win in some way.
Advocating for Myself During Miscarriage
After the second miscarriage and no viable tissue was found, I pushed for lab work to be done. My doc told me they typically do them after the third and I refused to be ok with that. It was actually the insurance companies who decide those things (I didn’t know that at the time until she told me).
Q & A with Allison, Founder Miscarriage Hope Desk
How many weeks were you when you miscarried?
6 weeks – 1st time
8 weeks, 5 days – 2nd time (11wks when we found out)
9 weeks, 1 day – 3rd time (11wks when we found out)
Looking back, what, if anything, do you wish you would have done differently?
See a therapist sooner. It was about a year and a half after the first one before I sought a therapist.
Anything else you would like to add?
Push for the tests. The only right solution or answer is the one that is best for you. Stand by your gut.
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